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I received an anonymous email warning me about a client who I have only seen twice. I'm told that this male client had been accused of stalking a previous therapist two years ago. The emailer has revealed to me that the client has a disorder which causes him to ejaculate when his inner thighs are touched during massage and that this causes him so much embarrassment that he ends up terminating therapy on his own and without any further problems from him. I'm told that he has had this problem for many years and that it had been kept a secret from his therapists until it was found out about the stalking and now the emailer is telling me about his disorder as a means of ending therapy quickly if I start to feel uncomfortable with him. It is suggested to me that I have someone in the room with me during the massage and pretend to be distracted so as to do what needs to be done. The client has informed me that he doesn't like to have his thighs touched but he has not explained why. When it comes to personal safety it seems like a no-brainer although it seems unethical to do something against the client's wishes. I could use some input about this as I have never encountered a situation like this before. Thank you.

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The emailer's accusations that this person "stalked" another therapist definitely needs to be explored and found out about in more depth. Hopefully the emailer is willing to give you the name of the therapist to whom this happened, and the former therapist is willing to talk with you. This kind of situation requires deep clarity of as many aspects as possible because there are at least two-sides to a story- and often more sides/opinions.

If you feel safe in this client's presence, I don't find it useful to 'confront' him. This may trigger him into a negative, downward cycle which may lead to other unsafe actions on his part.

Maybe ask him about his experiences with having been touched on his adductors (use cool, detached medical terms) and what happens for him, or even suggest that a male therapist may better suit his needs if the thighs actually need work.   Otherwise, respect his wishes to not be touched there.

As for having another person in the room- what??! NO. Are there people around your studio? Is it near a public space? Hope so- better for your safety. Otherwise, in the business of massage, it's always good to be prepared to "lose" clients; the flow keeps moving.

Thank you for your reply. I did finally talk with the mt he saw 2 years ago and he did stalk her. There was police involved but no arrests. I don't like this. My practice is in a secluded spot with no easy access to help if needed. The mt recalls him not wanting to have his thighs touched but was unaware of his extreme sensitivity to touch. I did speak with the client the first day about possibly seeing a male but he is opposed to it due to having been abused by his father as a child and therefore he doesn't like or trust males. I'm considering going on a long vacation.

Males becoming slightly or completely tumescent during thigh massage, while not common occurrence, isn't a symptom of a Chester Molester.  We keep things covered, move off the thighs and ignore the natural reaction, politely allowing the client to pretend it isn't happening till the reaction disappears on its own a few seconds later.  

As for the possible stalking.  Since you work in a secluded spot, and you know in advance these suspicions about the guy, require him to provide personal references: employer, wife or parent and contact numbers.  Less likely to act out if you could cause him problems in his personal life.

My personal opinion?  I think he's just a pathetic guy with a humiliating premature ejaculation problem he doesn't want happening.  Or maybe not, maybe one spot on inner thigh is his vulnerable spot?  

However, absolutely don't accept as client anyone -- male or female-- you aren't comfortable with 

Hi Katy,

I'll break down my response by sentence structure to hopefully make my thoughts more readable.

  • katy said:
    I received an anonymous email warning me about a client who I have only seen twice.


    pueppi's comment:

    It seems strange that an anonymous therapist got your e-mail address and is starting a conversation with your about your client.  Random questions run through my mind... such as "How did this therapist even find out you were seeing this client?" and "Why did this therapist contact you anonymously?" 

    I mean, it's not like you would be running out into the world and disclosing such information.  Which leads me to believe that this client may have told someone they were seeing you and that someone passed the information back to the anonymous therapist.  All, a bit convoluted if you ask me.

    And, I would think that if the anonymous therapist is passing information about like this, they would want you to know who they are.  After all, such an e-mail suggests they are concerened with your safety.

    It's all just a bit odd.

  • katy:
    I'm told that this male client had been accused of stalking a previous therapist two years ago.


    Add-in from second post:
    I did finally talk with the mt he saw 2 years ago and he did stalk her. There was police involved but no arrests. I don't like this. My practice is in a secluded spot with no easy access to help if needed. The mt recalls him not wanting to have his thighs touched but was unaware of his extreme sensitivity to touch.

    pueppi:
    How did you find out who the previous therapist was?  Did he tell you, did the anonymous therapist tell you, or was it someone else?

    If the client gave you the therapists name, it is possible that you could let him know that you spoke with the prior therapist and were infomed of a incident involving the police.  Due to this information you must terminate care. 

  • katy:
    The emailer has revealed to me that the client has a disorder which causes him to ejaculate when his inner thighs are touched during massage and that this causes him so much embarrassment that he ends up terminating therapy on his own and without any further problems from him. I'm told that he has had this problem for many years and that it had been kept a secret from his therapists until it was found out about the stalking and now the emailer is telling me about his disorder as a means of ending therapy quickly if I start to feel uncomfortable with him. It is suggested to me that I have someone in the room with me during the massage and pretend to be distracted so as to do what needs to be done. The client has informed me that he doesn't like to have his thighs touched but he has not explained why. When it comes to personal safety it seems like a no-brainer although it seems unethical to do something against the client's wishes. 

    pueppi:
    If you want to keep the client.  Just don't touch his thighs. 

    If you don't want to retain the client.  Send him a polite letter stating you can no longer see him.  You may not need to be specific.  This thread "Need Help with "Dismissal" Letter" has a lot of useful information in it.  It helped me to work through a problem I was having with a client.  Everyone pitched in, and you can use any number of the replies to formulate something that works for you.  :)
pueppi's comment:
"It strange that an anonymous therapist got your e-mail address and is starting a conversation with your about your client. Random questions run through my mind... such as "How did this therapist even find out you were seeing this client?" and "Why did this therapist contact you anonymously?"

The person who contacted me has not revealed themselves to be a therapist but rather someone well known by the client. My guess is that the emailer is a relative, probably a sister who is concerned about her brother who has struggled with mental health concerns his whole life. The anon emailer states that she (I'm going to assume this person is a she) has known about his sensitivity issue for a very long time and has kept it a secret from everyone due to the embarrassing nature of the concern. However, when she learned about the stalking she decided to inform all his future therapists about his problem presumably in an attempt to give the therapist a weapon to use against him should she feel uncomfortable with him and looking for an easy out.

I hope not to have to use the info this person has given me, but I understand why she has told me about it. The client seems to trust the anon emailer enough to tell her everything, including what happened with the last therapist a few months ago. The client will tell her which therapist he's seeing, and if things go bably he'll tell her that too. Like when he told her which therapist he was seeing the last time, she secretly notified that therapist via email about the stalking incident. I'm told that during a future session, the therapist would bring in a friend, mostly for safety concerns but also to act as a distraction. The therapist would pretend to be distracted by the third person allowing her to touch the client's thighs, and this, I'm told, would lead to an abrupt end to therapy as he would be too embarrassed to continue. The emailer told me that a therapist scolded him in front of others years ago for messing up the sheets and because of that he just can't continue with therapy nor complete the session when it happens.

pueppi:
"If you want to keep the client. Just don't touch his thighs."

It seems the more I think about this client the less I want to keep him.
I should add that the anon emailer has advised me to use caution in terminating therapy with the client as this is what led to the stalking.



katy said:

I should add that the anon emailer has advised me to use caution in terminating therapy with the client as this is what led to the stalking.
It seems like this anonymous e-mailer certainly comes up with a lot of information that pertains to the client. And yet they don't give you their name.  Who's to say the anonymous e-mailer isn't the actual client.  If so, it may make a lot of sense to go ahead and create a paper-trail of termination.

i think there comes a time when all of us  therapist have a issue with a client

best wait and if client makes action then act

it common that alot people like start rummors

in europe we rarely have this problem because there so many tantra  therapist who deal with these kind clients

thank youuu.

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