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Hi! I have my own massage business but I recently came on at a tiny spa-like setting because it's in the hotel across the street from my apartment, so the location is ideal for filling unbooked hours. All my experience is either mobile therapeutic or sports massage. Although the emphasis on this place is definitely all massage, there are add-ons like facials and scrubs (which I don't do) and the owner advertises it as a spa. We just have one room, so only 1 massage or couple at a time.

I just want to ask spa workers what the setting is usually like. The owner is so obsessive about everything I say and do that I can't actually massage well anymore. Before I ask her to respect me professionally I thought I should make sure I'm not being unreasonable about spa settings.

The owner has reasonable protocols, but she also follows me through every booking and dictates/corrects everything I say and do, in front of clients. Not just protocols, but things like whether I place the client's shoes in the right place before I get the water (I really feel I should touch the shoes, wash hands, then get the water), where I place my materials while I'm massaging, whether I'm holding a pen in my hand while I explain the consent form, etc. During a couples massage, she stopped her own ($85/hr!) massage three times to rearrange my oils, refold the top covering we remove during the massage, put my client's belongings on a different shelf and even re-drape my client. We use eye coverings, but she won't allow me to ask the client if they would like their eyes covered (many don't). She says she doesn't want anyone looking around until it's ok with her, so everyone has to have their eyes covered whether they want it or not. We're not allowed to perform face massage because it would require taking the eye cover off and she doesn't want anyone to be able to open their eyes early. When my client's covering fell off during the neck work he asked for, I let it sit because I was finishing up and I thought it would be distracting to replace it. She again left her own client and replaced the covering while I was massaging. Touching my client during a massage kind of pushed me over the edge.

Is this kind of compulsive nitpicking typical for spa work? I don't mind bruises to my professional ego, but I really draw the line at interfering with my client physically during a massage. I'm not looking for validation, I just thought before I ask her to treat me more professionally I should make sure this isn't just an industry standard I'm not used to.

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Good words, Gordon!

Gary, I wish that you didn't feel like people are personally attacking you - it makes your life less joyful.  Pueppi disagreed with me about something a while back and I did get upset at first; I let it go because ultimately we are allowed to disagree with one another.  Also please remember that you very strongly dislike my favorite modality (CranioSacral Therapy) and have been overtly critical of it on this forum.  I haven't been rude to you or gone on any warpath.  It's not necessary because we are allowed to have opinions and disagree while still respecting that we all want to get people somewhere better (as Gordon wisely pointed out).

We would all do well to remember that this is a public forum and the public does read it.  I had a lady call me not long ago who found one of my client's checks written to me; my client had dropped it in a parking lot.  When the finder of the check Googled me, my comments on this forum came up.  She liked what I had to say!  So imagine how people might feel when they see the hostility in some of the comments.

Gordon, I'm looking forward to seeing your video!  I'd like to add some of my successes with other modalities to your thread but I have too much going on lately (I just remembered that I have been typing this instead of doing client notes from this morning...I'd better get that done!)

I get heated when I am attacked.  Please explain to me why my comment to Laura deserved being labeled sexist?  BTW, it was a question, merely trying to help her understand why the owner was treating her badly.  Please reread it, Therese, and do tell why Pueppi or anyone else needed to make an issue of it.  Ms Texas made it an issue because she obviously has an issue with me, and in support, Laura added her own comment (it's PC to condemn sexism even when it doesn't exist-- and it clearly did not in my remark).  I am as imperfect as everyone else, but certainly not worse than most folk.  What I said was factual: Either the boss lady is jealous of her new employee's displayed skills or feels the need to "put her in her place".  As Laura remarked later, her fellow associates have an issue with her, don't feel she is a team player.-- in line with the attitude of the boss lady toward her.  My question did not deserve being made an issue.  If you can't understand that, then, well, I'm sorry. 

Then, in her next post Texas implied that I have some sort of crush for speaking out in defense of our mutual friend, Gordon.   And that was not sexist but mine was??  Pueppi's every comment to me has been a criticism.  It's easy enough to fix.  She can refrain from addressing me at all and I will gladly reciprocate. 

Therese, regarding CST, I have given my honest opinion.  Since you bring it up, forgive me for explaining myself.  On the face of it, it's illogical, the notion that fused bones can be manipulated with very light laying on of hands.  Now, I do believe it is beneficial-- just the holding, and the quiet as surely as an 1800s bloodletting drains emotional tensions, thereby relaxing the body as well.  A couple of years ago I had one CST session with a local therapist; he claimed to be certified.  Truthfully, I would have preferred a nice Swedish massage.  But it was enjoyable; didn't release the painful trigger point in my right deltoid, but I did leave the table relaxed.  I am sorry if my honesty displeases you. 

However, I will continue to be honest in my comments: I'm 68, too old to start lying to friends.  


I never felt your comment to be sexist. I knew exactly what you were trying to say. . But apparently others Felt differently? But let them think that. Who cares. Lol.
Gary W Addis, LMT said:

I get heated when I am attacked.  Please explain to me why my comment to Laura deserved being labeled sexist?  BTW, it was a question, merely trying to help her understand why the owner was treating her badly.  Please reread it, Therese, and do tell why Pueppi or anyone else needed to make an issue of it.  Ms Texas made it an issue because she obviously has an issue with me, and in support, Laura added her comment (it's PC to condemn sexism even when it doesn't exist-- and it clearly did not in my remark).  People are imperfect: it is as I've repeated a couple of times.  Either the boss lady is jealous of her new employee's displayed skills or feels the need to "put her in her place".  As I said.  My question did not deserve being made an issue.  If you can't understand that, then, well, I'm sorry. 

Then, in her next post she implied that I have some sort of crush for speaking out in defense of our mutual friend, Gordon.   And that was not sexist but mine was??  Pueppi's every comment to me has been a criticism.  It's easy enough to fix.  She can refrain from addressing me at all and I will gladly reciprocate. 

Therese, regarding CST, I have given my honest opinion.  Since you bring it up, forgive me for explaining myself.  On the face of it, it's illogical, the notion that fused bones can be manipulated with very light laying on of hands.  Now, I do believe it is beneficial-- just the holding, and the quiet as surely as an 1800s bloodletting drains emotional tensions, thereby relaxing the body as well.  A couple of years ago I had one CST session with a local therapist; he claimed to be certified.  Truthfully, I would have preferred a nice Swedish massage.  But it was enjoyable; didn't release the painful trigger point in my right deltoid, but I did leave the table relaxed.  I am sorry if my honesty displeases you. 

However, I will continue to be honest in my comments: I'm 68, too old to start lying to friends.  

I don't dislike you, Gary.  But, you have been known to produce some rage that isn't very pretty.

Choose to release the bitterness and see it through a grudge-free lens!

Try to think of it this way:  You say you aren't attacking Therese, when you disagree with her work. You actually say "I am sorry if my honesty displeases you."  

Well, guess what?  I am sorry if my honesty displeases *you*!  But, I am not going to say it with every single post I make when there is a difference of opinion (and I've said the same thing in the past). 

Here is the thing.  It's blatantly obvious that if I were to have told you that you get "over heated here" (as Gordon just did in this thread above), you'd have gone on a tirade.  You'd have started posturing, swearing and telling me how you don't like or respect me.  You'd probably even drop back to that old comment, where you want me to "go away(!)".  Maybe you'd even tell me how I have no clue about TP's will full conviction, even though I actually do.   It's what you do.   That is part of the old grudge which stems from from the original post I made in a thread where you assumed I was saying something bad about Therese (even though I was not)... that, then escalated, when you thought I wasn't respectful to Stephanie, and it got into full swing when I commented very specifically on a post of Gordon's. 

When I mentioned Gordon previously, it wasn't about you having a crush on him.  That is the wrong interpretation. It's about you not being angry when you read his posts, but wholy agitated when you read mine.

You asked for an explanation about why your comment was seen as sexist, so I'll try to give you one:  A male, bringing up looks and age to a female, when the original post never mentioned it, is a stereo-typing of women and how they interact with each other.  And, it didn't read as though you were asking a question (even though you threw in some questions marks), due to the way you provided the sentence structure.  I also doubt if the original post had been made by a male who felt terrorized by a male spa owner, that you'd have ever thought about there being a "looks and age" issue.  I also believe if Gordon had suggested he thought you may have been making a sexist remark, you'd likely of toned it way down and asked what he was going on about.  That's my honst opinion.  I'm not being mean.

Come on.  Drop the hatred and let's try again.  There is no reason why we can't comment on things that we don't see eye-to-eye on, without all the animosity.  Plus, the more things we don't see eye-to-eye on, the more room there is for some very interesting conversation!

I am more than willing to ignore your rude comments to me from the past (and yes, you've made a few).  We all have our moments.  And, I apologize if the way I write causes any triggers for you.  I will do my best to work on my presentation. I really am not trying to make you frenzied where you feel you have to defend yourself.  It's just that I am pretty matter of fact in some things.  So you'll just have to understand that you're not gonna get a "warm and fuzzy" from me very often when I'm typing content.

*extending an olive branch and suggesting we sing Kum-Ba-Yah*







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