When Clients Become Inappropriate - massage and bodywork professionals2024-03-28T22:31:56Zhttps://massageprofessionals.com/forum/topics/when-clients-become-inappropriate?groupUrl=Ethics&xg_source=activity&feed=yes&xn_auth=noThank you both for your input…tag:massageprofessionals.com,2011-11-30:2887274:Comment:2417422011-11-30T18:10:08.377Zerica ragusahttps://massageprofessionals.com/profile/ericaragusa
<p>Thank you both for your input. I agree with Lee, where our professional relationship has been derailed and it is best to discontinue seeing him. I realize that I need to be more current with my ethics so that when issues arise, I will be able to recognize them easier. I think my problem was that I did not know how to interpret my client's actions early on, and had I been more aware of ethical issues I would have been able to communicate with him about my boundaries. It is unfortunate…</p>
<p>Thank you both for your input. I agree with Lee, where our professional relationship has been derailed and it is best to discontinue seeing him. I realize that I need to be more current with my ethics so that when issues arise, I will be able to recognize them easier. I think my problem was that I did not know how to interpret my client's actions early on, and had I been more aware of ethical issues I would have been able to communicate with him about my boundaries. It is unfortunate that I am losing a client, as things could have been different, but I am committed to learning from this experience, which is why I wanted to share it with others for their benefit as well. Thanks!</p> Be clear and vocalize the int…tag:massageprofessionals.com,2011-11-30:2887274:Comment:2416702011-11-30T17:04:38.233ZDaniel Cohenhttps://massageprofessionals.com/profile/DanielCohen
<p>Be clear and vocalize the intent. He is looking for a girlfriend and misses intimacy. Be aware that many guys will keep trying to move the boundary to find out if they can get their needs met. Be clear with them that you are not going to provide that but if they want a good therapeutic massage that is what you do. Don't wait for it to go further before making it clear.You could have discussed it when he shifted the sheet. Many men do not regard it inappropriate to ask hoping they get lucky.…</p>
<p>Be clear and vocalize the intent. He is looking for a girlfriend and misses intimacy. Be aware that many guys will keep trying to move the boundary to find out if they can get their needs met. Be clear with them that you are not going to provide that but if they want a good therapeutic massage that is what you do. Don't wait for it to go further before making it clear.You could have discussed it when he shifted the sheet. Many men do not regard it inappropriate to ask hoping they get lucky. For men it crosses the line when no is not accepted as an answer. And even I have been asked by men. They can then decide to enjoy the massage you do and remain a client or go find another for the next massage.</p> It's too bad you have had thi…tag:massageprofessionals.com,2011-11-30:2887274:Comment:2418182011-11-30T16:10:28.375Zlee kalpinhttps://massageprofessionals.com/profile/leekalpin
<p>It's too bad you have had this experience, but of course we learn from these experiences.<br></br><br></br>To answer your last question first, "do you think I could have stopped this progression much earlier on". The answer is "yes". There were boundaries being crossed from the very beginning. In my experience, people rarely LEAP across boundaries, they "push" the boundaries to see what reaction they will get. If the professional permits the boundaries to be stretched, they will push some…</p>
<p>It's too bad you have had this experience, but of course we learn from these experiences.<br/><br/>To answer your last question first, "do you think I could have stopped this progression much earlier on". The answer is "yes". There were boundaries being crossed from the very beginning. In my experience, people rarely LEAP across boundaries, they "push" the boundaries to see what reaction they will get. If the professional permits the boundaries to be stretched, they will push some more.<br/>The first boundary was pushed when you gave him a discount as a "special friend". This indicated to him that the relationship could be something more than the professional client/ therapist.<br/>You say that Dan invited you to come to his house to practice yoga, and invited doing trades, but you don't indicate if these activities took place. If they did, it was another boundary violation. If they did not, this would have been a good time to establish very firm, clear boundaries and explain the professional relationship to him<br/><br/>During the last massage, you had to continually re-drape him. This would have been the time - the first time it happened - to stop the massage and explain that the draping absolutely must stay in place and that if he removed it again, the massage would have to end.<br/><br/>I am not trying to be cruel, I am trying to point out to you how this client was pushing the boundaries and trying to get a feel for how far you would permit him to go. Your signals were not firm enough, and it is no wonder that he mis-read them<br/><br/>You are quite right. Of course there was transference! There is always transference. He was thinking of you in a role other than your proper role as his massage therapist. <br/><br/>Now you have to write to him to explain that the professional relationship has gone off the rails and you cannot continue to be his massage therapist. <br/><br/>We all have these experiences that come our way to help us learn and grow as therapists.</p>
<p>I think you have a lot of insight into what happened with this one, and you will grow as a result of this experience</p>
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<p>Lee</p>