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How to Lose Clients and Alienate People

Don't you just hate it when your schedule is full of clients and you're in demand?

Here's a quick tutorial on how to thin out your schedule so those pesky clients will leave you alone.

  1. When a client asks for deep tissue. give them reiki.  Or, when they ask for a relaxing Swedish massage, try for "death by effleurage".
  2. Keep your massage room at a refreshing 64 degrees.  (this will feel especially great on bare skin with some cold massage cream.)
  3. Talk non-stop through their massage.  Especially if your client seems to keep their answers short and doesn't engage in conversation - take this as a que to talk more about your life.  Throw in as much drama as you can for entertainment's sake.
  4. Talk about hot-button topics like religion and politics.  (First, feel out the situation and make sure your client has strongly opposing views to your own.)
  5. Notice the non-verbal clues that you are using too much pressure.  Do not adjust your technique.
  6. Gossip about your other clients.
  7. Call up clients and tell them in detail that it's an emergency they make an appointment, because you need some quick cash to bail your boyfriend out of jail.
  8. Constantly reschedule their appointments on a whim.
  9. Take about 3 days to return phone calls and emails.
  10. Enjoy an aromatic lunch right before your client shows up for their massage.  (Think tuna fish, popcorn, fried chicken, etc.)
Hard to believe?  I've actually had all of these things happen to me as a client.  Some were experiences with other personal businesses, not massage - but they did all happen, nonetheless.  
OK, so... *disclaimer alert : I don't actually want you to do these things.  
Oh, and?  Dump that boyfriend.  You deserve better.  Trust me on this one.

Cindy Iwlew is co-founder of Bodywork Buddy Massage Software, a complete online management solution for independent massage therapists that includes online scheduling

She continues to operate her own private massage practice of 13 years, and has been an associate instructor for Ashiatsu Oriental Bar Therapy since 2007.

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Tags: business, client, customer, retention, service


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